Length (Closed): 3.5 inches.... He heeee....oops that is the REAL LIFE length. In SL that length is about 4 feet. Is someone compensating?

Yeah, yeah, we have all seen those stupid wooden-looking c**ks the newbie guys wear. It is a definite stereotype in sl. The new guys right off the boat head for the famous sex rooms of sl. That is what brought them to sl in the first place of course. Not like the females of the species who came to sl to meet interesting people and befriend them. Noooo the male of the species came to sl to meet interesting people and f**k them.

The very first thing the female does in sl is to head out to a freebie store to find some cute outfits and skins. The first thing the male does is to find a sex room and go crazy. But of course he does not have the equipment to do the job. This is one of the basic tools NOT found in the famous Library that all Linden noob avies come equipped with.

However, before long some sympathetic gal will give him his first c**k so that he can complete HER fantasy. Of course it will be a freebie c**k and look like it....a pale, tan, stiff thing of approximately 15 feet in length. Apparently in SL you can never have too much wood.

Before too long, the noob male will find a way to make some Lindens, then head out to buy his first Swiss-Army-Woody.

Here are some of the OTHER things
it comes equipped with

Engraving: Up to 10 characters can be engraved on the shield side of this item... Yesss, the average sl male has approximately 5 million tattoos all over his body, legs, arms, chest, neck, toes and woody. I myself had the famous barbed wire tattoo on my first Xcite c**k.

Large Blade... Apparently useful for hacking your way through dense bush

Small Blade... For whittling your wood into the right shape.

Wood Saw... For cutting through all the wholesale bs found in SL.

Fish hook with attached line... For pulling in your first big one. Though honestly I think the makers slipped up on this feature. Noobs in sl just don't know how to flirt properly, and casting out a line like nice t*ts, wanna f**k just doesn't cut it. But, being that so many gals in sl are truly hungry for sex, the guy just might get lucky and pull one in. Or, SHE will. badump ump.

Fishscaler with Hook Disgorger... Well obviously this is so the guy can prep his SL gal for his first meal. First he pulls out that hook, then he skins her.

I've heard so many stories of the bs guys tell noob girls in SL to lure them into sex. One of the common ways is to meet a gal on the dance floor. After having a bit of chat he'll ask her if she would like to tp somewhere else. The trusting gal happily says, Sure! and envisions being swept off her feet in a swanky atmosphere. Instead, to her shock, she finds he has tp'd her to Big John's Extremely Kinky BDSM Sex/Orgy Room. Oooooo yeah, buddy, that is just the perfect place to go for a first date! NOT!

Scissors and Sewing Eye... For cutting and stitching together his RL cover story out of whole cloth. This is the part where the guy tells the girl he is single in rl (...he has been married for 20 years and has three kids)....is a millionaire (he works as the cashier at the QuickieMart Gas 'N Groceries) and he is looking for his RL soulmate (and if his rl WIFE finds out she will whack him to the moon and back.)

Pruning Blade... This is one of those tools that are never used. It SHOULD be used, to prune some of the bs, and cut some of the loose threads from his RL story.

Magnifying Glass... This is a dual use tool. HE will use it to concentrate the sunny, warm rays of amour to start a fire between them. SHE will use it to find his...

Small Screwdriver (3mm) and Corkscrew... Which he will force into her AHEM after opening it with his...

Can Opener and Chisel...

Other tools on his Swiss-Army-Woody include:

Wrench with:
5mm Female Hex Drive for D-SUB Connectors
4mm Female Hex Drive for the Bits
Bit Phillips 0 (Pozidrive)
Bit Phillips 1 (Pozidrive)
Bit Phillips 2
Bit Slotted (4 mm)
Bit Hex (4 mm)
Bit Torx 8
Bit Torx 10
Bit Torx 15
Phillips Screwdrive...

This diverse range of bits and screwdrivers ensures that he will have something that fits almost any variety of female psyche in SL, with the ability to completely and totally drive her crazy. Unfortunately, since he has so many different size bits to choose from, he will feel compelled to try them all out, often switching bits as he runs from female to female to female.

Meanwhile, when he is done using these gals, they will feel, rightly, like he has been very adept at using his...

Reamer and Nail File with Metal File... To ream her out and scrape away all feelings.

After he is through, she will feel that he has used his...

Punch... on her.

Though he boasts of his prowess and length, most females feel that his...

Tweezers... are most useful for finding his

Toothpick... which is more representative of his capabilities

Also, she will feel that he used his...

Universal Hook (also Parcel Carrier)... to carry her along with his crazy RL tale.

Finally, after his RL wife finds out about his online shenanigans, he can use his...

Ballpoint Pen... to sign his divorce papers.

There are several other tools in the Swiss Army Swiss Champ XLT. Ladies, can you help me out in the comment section by telling me what you feel each of these OTHER tools are used for? You may remain anonymous if you like, but please, leave a comment below about what you feel each of the following tools on the Swiss-Army-Woody are used for:

Ruler (centimeters)... (Perhaps for measuring his RL length?)

Pharmaceutical Spatula... (WTH?? The guy is out in the woods and needs this, for what?)

Electrician's Blade with Wire Scraper...

Pliers with Wire Cutters...

Wire Crimping Tool...

Cap Lifter... (Whatever the heck THAT is)

Wire Bender...

Key Ring... (to display his trophies??)

Nail Cleaner...

Metal Saw...

Leave a comment and tell us aaalllll about what YOU think these items on the Amazing Second Life Swiss-Army-Woody are used to accomplish!

Thank you!

--Marco

P.S. OMG, some of Neko Gal's comments are soooo funny, I decided to add them directly to this post...you know who you are Neko Gal....

Neko Gal... Chortles madly and falls over gasping for breath...OMG MARCOOO, your post about the "Swiss-Army-Woody" is soooooo funny! I haveta give teh others a try...So here goes....:P

Ruler.... Yesh your right..They use this to measure and compare sizes...

Pharmaceutical Spatula...... To take a sample for teh doctor to see what new DSTD (Digitally Sexually Transmitted Diseases) have been picked up and passed on...

Electrician's Blade with Wire Scraper..... UHM to help shave a bush?

Pliers with Wire Cutters... Why to ESCAPE of course as soon as things start getting serious.

Wire Crimping...(Primping)Tool..... Gotta look good to hook

Cap Lifter.....(Skirt Lifter )... To help you look under their skirts of course.

Wire Bender..... So they can fit into different... locations.

Key Ring.... yesh I do believe I see some trophies hanging there

Nail Cleaner.... To make sure the bish's nails are clean

Metal Saw.... To chop bits off and help reshape teh latest piece of fluff.

Laughs Maniacally and rolls her eyes. Who's gonna beat that lot then? --Necko Girl